I was a young girl of 17 when I had “chosen” to have an abortion. I had been dating a boy over the past year with every intention of marrying if I got pregnant. I thought I had it all planned out. When I did become pregnant I was very excited. Then, little by little, my world fell apart. I started to believe I had no other option. Everyone said my life would return to that of a normal teenager and I could have a baby when circumstances in my life were better. Naively, I went and had it done. I won’t go into the details. Needless to say I was not prepared for what happened. I knew right away in my heart of hearts that I had just killed my baby.

I tried to move on with my life. There was no one to talk to because I felt such shame. MY LIFE HAD CHANGED! Nothing went back to “normal”. I tried to forget because they say time heals all wounds. Time went by and try as I might to have a normal life, I couldn’t... I had killed my baby. Eventually, I talked with my sister, she would understand but she didn’t, she couldn’t.  “Get over it” is all I heard over and over. Years later I tried professional help, psychiatric help. All we ever discussed were the logical reasons for making the decision I made, I was young, alone, afraid and got poor advice.

Around this time I was still searching for someone who would understand and help me. I called a pregnancy center to see if they had any support groups for women who were sorry they “chose” abortion. I left my phone number and the next day I met an angel!!! I talked with a woman who understood EVERYTHING I had been going through. She told me of this Bible study group that was meeting that helped women like me, although I was skeptical, I did believe in God and had grown up Catholic. I was so afraid and lost, thinking that God had abandoned me because He hadn’t heard my prayers. But I made up my mind, thanks to my angel, to attend this group with an open heart and mind.

I thought it couldn’t get any worse, so I went and met some wonderful women, we talked, we cried, we expressed everything we had been hiding because of shame and guilt. We talked about the lies we were fed. We studied the Bible. We learned how God wants to heal us, we learned about forgiveness and love. It’s an experience I still have trouble putting into words. Over time, we dealt with all the hate, guilt, shame, ignorance, low self-esteem, self-hatred and secrets.

After the Bible study I started to feel human again, full of hope and love that I am more willing to share with others. It took me 48 long years to find peace, to feel like a child of God’s wonderful creation again. It changed my life forever and has given me strength I didn’t know I had. The pain is gone, I am healed. Months after the Bible study I took my faith a step further and went to confession for the first time in many years. I am back on God’s path again. I don’t feel the need to take the drugs that were prescribed me for anxiety and depression. I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore and I don’t suffer from feeling of guilt, shame and anger. I can be around children again and not want to hide in a corner and cry.  Go with an open mind and heart, I'm positive this experience can help you heal from your abortion.

Karen

I met with one of the women who led the Bible study. She spoke to me, telling me her story. I heard my life, my sins and my struggles. I became aware that I was not the only woman who was living with this awful guilt inside of me. Until that point in my life I had not met anyone who had multiple abortions. Nor had I met any women who talked about the healing of abortions. Yes, I was aware of Project Rachel, but this was different. She was talking about a group of women getting together and working on this issue. I knew this Bible Study was for me. God had placed these women in my life so that I could find the healing that I needed. I confessed my sin of abortion in my prayers and to a priest and God forgave me. BUT I COULDN’T FORGIVE MYSELF. This Bible study did that for me. The release of shame and guilt, feelings I didn’t know I was carrying for so long, and the forgiveness of self and others involved in my abortions was truly a miracle. The interaction with other women who had been where I was, who felt like I did, is what made this work. This is a healing process for post-abortive women. A process I needed to go through in order to release the pain I carried for many years. God wants us to live a happy life, not to live in shame.

Jean Marie

After my rape at 18, the local rape crisis center told me that aborting my child would be the right choice under this horrible situation.  They told that the baby would remind me of the rape and the face of the perpetrator.  That having a child would ruin my life and the life of the child and so forth.  I believed the rhetoric and these lies and made the choice to murder an innocent child.  What everyone failed to tell me, is that the abortion was both the killing of my child and my soul.  It was not just flesh and blood that died that day, but what connects me to my Creator, Jesus Christ, my living spirit.  After years of silent torment and self-destructive living, Jesus brought resurrection to a place of living death after the abortion.  Today I am set free from the captivity of the horrors of the rape and the second death that followed the abortion.  Whom Jesus sets free is free indeed; I am living proof of this as is my child who is waiting for me in Heaven.

Brenda